Engagement Rings > Proposal Ideas & Advice > More Proposal Questions
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Past Questions and Answers
Dear Steve,
My boyfriend wants us to get each other a promise ring to show how much we love each other. I want to get one for him, but I don't know how much to spend. He's the Coach-Gucci-Lacoste Brand type of guy because he can afford to be...while I'm the Old Navy type of girl because, well, I'm poor. We've been together for 1 month. He's been trying to spoil me with fancy gifts, but I never let him. So now, I know he will go all out and buy me a very pretty and expensive ring because he wants to. Now, as for me, I CANNOT afford to buy him an expensive ring. My budget is only $300 cash because that is all I can afford. Do you think if I buy him a $300 ring that he will think that I don't love him enough or that I'm being cheap? Will it change his perspective of me and whatnot? I want to pull out my credit card to finance the ring, but I don't really want to because I use my credit card to pay for my college tuition.
- Nina B.
Steve's answer:
Nina, my recommendation is to not feel pressure about spending X dollars on a ring. Frankly after a month, if all the feelings are right I would go out and buy the best looking cigar band I could find, wrap it in a box and tell him if you had all the money in the world you would buy him a fancy expensive ring; but it wouldn't mean any more than the one in the box. If he is concerned about you not going out and compromising your financial status and education to buy him an expensive ring you can't afford, then I would say Sayonara...
Steve
Dear Steve,
My fiancé gave me a beautiful platinum engagement ring with a one-carat solitaire Echo-cut diamond. We are now shopping for wedding rings and I don't know what style goes best with my engagement ring. We want rings that will match each other and still look masculine for him and feminine for mine. What do you think is the best style to go with?
- Samra R.
Steve's answer:
Hi Samra, the good news here is there are lots of options and flexibility. Just go into one of our stores and try on different alternatives to see how they mesh with your engagement ring; and then see what would go well and look good for him. As long as the metals are in the same color (white) you have lots of room for choices... Good hunting!!!
Dear Steve,
I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 9 months now, and we have talked about getting married but not right now, but my concern is that he will be enlisting for the army and will be gone for almost a year. Should I propose to him, or should I just let time tell what will happen?
- Beatriz H.
Steve's answer:
Wow Beatriz, this is a tough decision. I can't imagine all the emotions you must be feeling and I'm sure he's feeling the same. If you are both committed to one another and in love for the long term, then getting engaged is just another step in this great journey. It's one that can have very significant meaning but won't change what already exists for both of you. So I recommend letting him know your feelings while remembering that if your love for each other is true, then engaged or not, all will be okay.
Steve
Dear Steve,
I am going to propose to my girlfriend very soon. We are always talking about how I'd do it but now that it's coming down to it, I'm afraid that what I've planned isn't the best thing. Are there any things to avoid when proposing?
- David C.
Steve's answer:
Hey David. Absolutely there are certain pitfalls to avoid when proposing, but sense you are asking this question, you are already sensitive so let's focus more on doing it right than doing it wrong: 1) Custom-make the engagement based on your best sense of what she would want and be consistent with the things that fit your unique relationship. Is it intimate or attention-getting? Would she prefer private and personal or should it include friends and family? Traditional or more creative? Know what makes sense for her and the two of you as a couple. 2) Make it genuine by telling her exactly how you feel in your heart. Carefully choose your words and look her in the eye. 3) Remember to make this moment special for yourself as well, because it's something you'll both live to tell your loved ones. 4) Consider driving to our store in Arlington for special support, guidance and planning. It's what we do everyday and there are some incredible people who can make a real difference in your plan. Good luck and remember you can't go wrong here. Take a deep breath and just know that everything will be fine; after all you have already found the girl of your dreams. The rest is a cake walk.
Dear Steve,
Can we buy a setting and put a cubic zirconium in the setting until we can afford a diamond? Is that appropriate?
- Robyn L.
Steve's answer:
Hi Robyn. Well, all of us sellers of engagement rings believe in a center Diamond. That said, there's no such thing as "appropriate" or not. If the setting is what counts for you and budget dictates, go for it. There are no rules as long as you both know. Sometimes doing it a little at a time makes it even more meaningful. The key here is that you've found each other. All will come with time, love and working together for shared goals.
Dear Steve,
I will be going to a Jamaica resort for a friend's wedding and need some ideas for a romantic Beach Proposal. I was going to do a private dinner but didn't want to spend an extra $150...please help!! Thanks.
- Ryan M.
Steve's answer:
Ryan, fear not because this is not about a big money plan; it's more about matters of the heart. Lots of possibilities here... a proposal with shells and candles on the sand, a special dinner with wine and hibachi as you cook in the moonlight. A song, (know a friend that can play a special instrument from a safe distance?), or you can play something on the IPOD. The goal is to create an atmosphere that best represents your love for her and your special relationship; be sure to ask the hotel concierge for ideas too. (Even if your budget is zero, often people will want to help just because it's such a joyous occasion and they too can experience a little excitement through you.) Just reach inside yourself, center on her and it will be magical, see? No charge at all. Good luck!!
Dear Steve,
My daughter is marrying a young man from Sweden. His parents do not speak English and we do not speak Swedish. Should I write them a letter welcoming their son into our family, assuming he will translate it for them? Should we call them when he is at their home? He speaks English well.
- Kris K.
Steve's answer:
The universal language is love so anything you do to reach out to them is likely to be welcomed and appreciated. I believe going in the direction you are thinking about is great. If you want another possibility, try visiting a local college and finding out how to transcribe your letter to Swedish. That said, I think the call with son-in-law's help will be sweet and perfect as well as the letter... Congrats!
Dear Steve,
How long do you think a couple should be dating before they decide to get married?
- Krystle W.
Steve's answer:
Krystle, there are no set rules here but let me offer suggestions. You both need time long enough to understand each other’s core values including trust, compassion, and respect. You need to thoroughly understand how the other communicates, how they are in times of sadness, anger and confusion. How responsive they are to your needs and feelings. Know their views on religion and how that will play out with family relations. Do they want to have children and what are their thoughts on parenting? What are the family dynamics they have lived and what would they want to change? What is their view of the future and how does this vision correspond to yours? In my view it is not a function of only time it is the coming together of the heart and the head, feelings and thoughts. That can happen in a relatively short amount of time (my own personal advice would be longer than a year, and it is something that no matter how many years may not come together). Sorry about the long answer short question. Think about not just the excitement and joy of new love, but more the true long term future; like fine wine it will be ready when it is ready. There are things you can and probably should talk about, but just being around one another and letting some time go by may also offer insight into the most precious thing you both have to offer which is your love and commitment.
Dear Steve,
I know that I want to be with my boyfriend. He is the love of my life. I want to marry him and I know he wants to marry me. We've talked about it. But, as most girls do, I am getting very impatient. Would it be weird if I proposed to him?! If I did, how could I do it so he knows that I am asking him, and not just talking about the future?
- Jessica H.
Steve's answer:
Jessica, I think the key is to always be sensitive and responsive to the combination of your inner voice and his feelings. As far as the proposal, some men prefer a traditional approach in which he asks her. However, in the recent years we are seeing more and more women propose marriage which is a very liberating experience. The good news is you two get to make the rules. In determining exactly how to propose, think about the elements that will provide the most enduring memory and fulfill his and your fantasy. Regardless of whether you take the lead or respond to his, do share your true feelings so there is no room for misinterpretation. If you speak from the heart then he will get it. Congratulations on being in love and good luck! Steve
Dear Steve,
I've heard that when buying an engagement ring, it is supposed to equal 3 months of your monthly income, is this true? If not, what is a rule of thumb when deciding to purchase an engagement ring? Thanks for the advice!
- Rick M.
Steve's answer:
Hey Rick. Don't be too influenced by what others tell you is the right amount to spend on an engagement ring. Most of these rules of thumb come from marketing departments and not caring advisors. The classic jeweler's answer to your question is two months, but I've always been bothered by putting this kind of price pressure on the customer as the meaning of the ring is far more important than what it costs. I'd recommend coming up with a budget range driven by the combination of what you can afford and what she and/or you discover to be her perfect ring. Best, Steve
Dear Steve,
How do I find out her ring size without her knowing my intentions to propose, especially if she never wears rings?
- Jason R.
Steve's answer:
Jason, no easy answers on this one but here’s a thought. If she has a friend or sister you can totally trust, next time they go shopping make sure they have your girlfriend try on rings and then take note of her size. FYI the average size is about 7. Take care, Steve
Dear Steve,
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 7 months now and he has asked me to marry him and to pick the Ring of my choice. Well, I know about the gold setting I want so my only question is...What is the BEST DIAMOND to buy?
- Esther D.
Steve's answer:
Esther, great question and there is no absolute answer here. I recommend you visit the store and compare diamonds that are in your desired price range. The folks at our store will be happy to show you the differences so you can make an informed decision. Each diamond looks a little different and you can then pick the one that is just right for you. If you like round shaped diamonds I would take a close look at the MSID diamond as it offers a bigger and brighter look for about the same price as a regular round diamond. Congratulations and good hunting!!! Best, Steve
Dear Steve,
What do I say to my girlfriend when I give her a promise ring?
- Jeremy M.
Steve's answer:
Hi Jeremy. Say exactly what you feel. Look her in the eye and tell her what's in your heart. Since this is a promise ring you may want to say something along the lines of "I am giving you this promise ring to..." That way she doesn't take it as an engagement ring. The key is to use your words and feelings and trust they will mean the world to her. Best, Steve
Dear Steve,
Hello. I am going to be proposing to my girlfriend of 4 years during the first week of April in Florida. I would like to know if I should be asking both her parents for their blessing or just her father. I always thought that you ask the father only, but after reading online, I see a lot of guys ask both the mother and father. Please let me know what I should do, and how early I should ask them. Thank you.
- Adam B.
Steve's answer:
No hard and fast rules here Adam. Traditionally, asking the father was the custom but today I think it shows respect to ask both parents. If you are thinking April I would suggest you ask them fairly soon; not too early though because it may be hard for them to keep the secret. Congratulations and good luck! Steve
Dear Steve,
Is there a certain age limit to buy a ring? It's kind of funny but I'm buying an engagement ring as a gift.
- Trace Y.
Steve's answer:
Hi Trace. We have sold engagement rings to customers of all ages. There is no age limit when it comes to love and matters of the heart...
Steve
Dear Steve,
Why is it that a woman has two rings? What does that symbolize?
- Aaron M.
Steve's answer:
Hi Aaron. One is for the engagement and the other is the wedding. That said, a single ring can represent both if desired. Steve
Dear Steve,
Well, my boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year now and I am pregnant. I was hoping we would get married so that we could be a real family. We went looking for an engagement ring and I found one that I really liked. We didn’t purchase it on that day but he promised I would get it for Christmas and I DIDN'T. I was crushed. I always ask him about it but I get an "I don’t want to talk about it right now" response. But then he tells his family that he really wants to marry me. What should I do?
- Bre T.
Steve's answer:
If you were my daughter and asked me this question, I would recommend that she sit down with her boyfriend for an open and candid conversation. One such as "I need to know where you stand?" no-nonsense conversation. This is far more important than the ring. It is really about how much you can depend on him as partner, father, etc. Already it seems to me that his behavior and his words are out of sync. I would ask him this without judgment too. It is always a concern when words/promises don’t match actions. Often people hang on to the words and are left hurt and disappointed when the actions don’t follow. That said, maybe he is scared, short of funds, or even has plans to surprise you. It really is impossible to know and give you a responsible answer from one email. In the end, direct communication and an objective look at what he says and then does seems like the best bet to me.
Good luck,
Steve
Dear Steve,
I am planning to propose towards the end of the year sometime. We are possibly heading out to Hawaii (Maui) for a vacation with some family. I was thinking about setting something up on the beach at sunset (table with candles, flowers, rose petals, etc.). Do you have any other suggestions or any ways to spruce my idea up since we will be in Hawaii? Or should I stick to something sports related since we are huge Dodgers & Lakers fans?
- Hector C. Jr.
Steve's answer:
Wow Hector this one is wide open. For my wife's 40th birthday we did the sunset dinner thing. They can pick you up in a canoe at dusk and take you to a grassy knoll over the ocean with a chef to create a romantic dinner. You can even have a guitarist on hand along with all the other elements you mentioned. This idea is wonderful and memorable yet fairly pricey. A more cost-effective plan is to do this yourself without the extra expenses. Once you invest in airfare etc., all you need is the natural beauty and Mother Nature. (I did this on our honeymoon in Maui... McKenna and Paia are great places to consider.) You could also propose closer to home in Laguna Beach or even in Central Cal and make a weekend of it with some wine-tasting. One idea is to find less frequented beaches (best in winter months), make a cozy little fire (if it is legal), and put a bottle of champagne in the shallow water. A little hibachi can go a long way, LOTS OF CANDLES! YAHOO!
On the other hand, she would have to love the Lakers/Dodgers proposal. The excitement of a proposal at a sporting event is unforgettable. (If it's Lakers better wait for Bynum to heal so you start off the engagement on a winning note!) She is a lucky lady... Enjoy!
Dear Steve,
My boyfriend has told me this is the year we will be getting engaged. Instead of going with me to look at rings, he wants to send me with one of my girlfriends so that she can take notes to "hand off" to him so there's an added level of surprise for me. I'm not one of those girls who's known what she's always wanted. I'm not even sure where to begin. Would coming in and trying on rings be the way to start?
- Maryann W.
Steve's answer:
First of all congratulations for being in love. The good news is you have already begun...the most important part is a done deal, YOU FOUND THE RIGHT GUY! It sounds like your boyfriend wants you to have the ring of your dreams and he sees the importance of creating a special moment to surprise you (sounds like a keeper to me). Coming in and trying on rings is exactly the right thing to do. Just a few things I recommend in the process: 1) Take as much time as you want and need, and if you want to make a few trips you can do that too. 2) Enjoy this precious time and every step leading you to a new life with the person you love, selecting your ring will be a special memory you will always have. 3) Be sure to complete your very own personalized Wish List at the store. 4) Don't be afraid to ask questions, there are no dumb questions. With that said, we carry so many combinations of diamond ring styles that one could get overwhelmed; on the other hand you will be surprised at your instinctive ability to know what you like and our staff is well-equipped to assist you with identifying the ring of your dreams, even if you currently have no clue as to what it looks like. Again congrats... Best Steve
Dear Steve,
My girlfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half now. We recently welcomed a beautiful little bundle of Joy into our lives and have never felt stronger or happier. I know I want to spend my life with her, I know I want to continue our Family, but every time I consider popping the question I get all weak. My heart gets all fluttery and I can't think straight. I know Christmas is coming up and I've seen the commercials where the guy proposes, (t.v. life being separate from real life of course), I thought it might be a good idea. A kind of combination present, along with the other things I'm getting her. Am I off base here? Am I being cheap?
- James B.
Steve's answer:
My guess is the one thing she would want most to hear in all the world is that you want to spend the rest of your life with her. She probably feels this way now more than ever. To get on one knee and ask her to marry you, and then have her wear an engagement ring that allows her to declare this to the people that matter most in her life will be something she remembers forever. It could very well be all the gift she will want or need. That said after being happily married for 28 years myself (the other gifts couldn't hurt).
Congratulations and all the best.
Steve (PS... We help you with how to propose and even make the arrangements for you. I promise we can help with those flutters.)
Dear Steve,
My boyfriend is overseas in Iraq and I want to give him a ring, just as a Christmas present, however he won't receive it until April when he comes home for rest and I can give it to him. How should I present it to him? What kind of ring should I get? Or should I give him a bracelet or something else like a watch etc.?
- Emilie D.
Steve's answer:
Emilie, here is the good news, for him to be there and know you are here loving him is what really matters. There are no absolutes on what is the exact right thing to present to him that conveys what you feel. I think if you go into the right store, hook up with someone you can open up to and share your story with, after a little store tour and some recommendations, just the right thing will jump out at you and you will instinctively know it. There are no rules and only one important theme here, which is to celebrate his courage and safe return. There are so many different ring designs and other options. As far as how to present to him, I recommend you think about how to create a memory he can take back with him; one that touches his heart and makes him smile. It should be something that will have significance to the two of you, maybe where you met, where you shared a special moment, his favorite place etc... The ring, if that is what you choose, can carry any message you designate, and you can explain to him just what it means and represents (you can even have a message engraved inside).
Best Steve
